Ride the Wave

Reflecting back on pre-pandemic times, I see the degree to which I measured my days by how much I did, created, or managed. I have my own business and I am the primary orchestrator of my family’s schedule and activities so there was always plenty to accomplish.

Today times are different, and although I miss my sense of control and efficacy, I am finding some grace in letting riding the wave of my days be enough.

Doesn’t daily life feel like a bit of a wave right now? There seems to be a vast sea beneath us that can’t be fully seen or known with never-ending, repetitive waves on the surface that alternate unexpectedly from grey and rough to occasionally blue and lovely?

I like the image of riding the wave of my day because sometimes riding waves is fun and graceful. . . and sometimes it looks like struggle. Sometimes it is fun, and sometimes you go under and the only thing that matters is that you pop back up to breathe again. This is how my daily moments and all the emotions that accompany me feel.

So these days, instead of measuring the value of my day by how much I made happen, I instead reflect on how I rode the ups and downs of the various waves that made up my day.

• Did I take note and savor the giggly, squirmy moments of my kids wanting to wrestle?
• Did I extend compassion to myself when I forget another Zoom meeting given that work time and parent time and all time is mixed and squashed together?
• Did I have enough elevated perspective to notice that my child’s schoolwork tantrum was not actually about school work? Was I able to reset and forgive myself if I didn’t?
• Did I revel in the gift it is to support my clients through their own wave-filled days?
• Was I able to both give myself a break when I needed one and rally when that was needed?

I’ve long held a spiritual belief that some larger, loving light guides all life, with me (and all of us) being a conduit or vessel for that force. But, truth be told, I didn’t often live from that place. I lived as if I knew what was needed and could make it all happen if I worked and intended and pursued enough.

There is great grace in letting go of striving. I am practicing surrendering to each moment to the best of my ability, allowing what is without expending extra, fruitless effort resisting. I am learning to ride the wave.